I am the absent-minded professor

Last night I lost my house keys for 30 minutes.

I knew I'd had them Saturday night, because we managed to get in the apartment (Houseguest put his key in one of his 24632324 jackets and can't remember which one - yes, he's still here, the apartment didn't pan out). I didn't leave at all on Sunday (I had a very busy day of staying in my pajamas and alternately napping, reading and movie watching) so they had to be there somewhere. Also, ever since Houseguest came to stay (24 days ago) I have done my best to keep the place as neat and clean as possible because it's not the biggest place and the addition of Houseguest and all his belongings did not exactly make it any bigger.

They had to be there somewhere.

I do tend to lose my keys approximately 5 times a week, for about 30 seconds each time. When I first noticed they were missing, I wasn't terribly concerned. However, when I reached minute 7 keyless, my anxiety level started to rise. My imagination started running through all sorts of possibilities, #1 being that I had accidentally left them in the front door when we got home Saturday night and some crazy neighbor had taken them without saying anything and was secretly plotting when he could come in and kill us in our sleep (I know, I'm a freak, and yes this was an actual concern though where I live is very safe and I doubt anyone actually wants to kill me). I started pacing through the apartment faster and faster, looking on every surface and moving stuff around in order to find the missing keys.

During this time, HG was laying on the couch/his bed lamenting the fact that he still hadn't found an apartment (and his life is so hard, nothing ever goes his way blah blah blah blah blah) until I explained in the friendliest, most patient way I could (I know what you're thinking, and you're right) that his time could be better spent helping me find my keys, particularly if he didn't want to quickly find himself homeless. We searched through and overturned everything in the apartment. I checked the front door. I checked the mail table downstairs, I checked the bathroom cupoards, the refrigerator, every drawer in my bedroom. I emptied every purse, bag, wallet that I own. Then HG checked everything again just to be sure. I had just about lost my mind and resigned myself to the fact that we were going to get murdered by one of the crazy neighbors (my money was on the grouchy guy downstairs who was kind of annoying and helpless when my shower was draining into his apartment the first weekend he moved in. As if it were my fault that the plumbing is crap and he didn't have a phone yet) when I heard the familiar jingle and breathed a pretty big sigh of relief. The keys were finally found in the middle of a pile of clothes on the makeshift clothing shelf situation I built a few months ago (actually folded into a shirt, I believe). I have no idea how they got there.

Thursday I left my apartment without my cell phone (this can be blamed on HG, who had the TV on and didn't turn it off when he left. This distracted me to an unbelievable level. I can't handle the TV in the morning. Plus, I like to blame pretty much everything on HG) and I felt as though half of me was missing that day.

Saturday evening I lost my purse for about 2 minutes, because it was sneakily sitting in the middle of the floor. Who would have though to look there? I think it was disguised as a rock, like those magic cloaks in Lord of the Rings [sidenote: Saturday night we watched 300 over at Sacha's. This was the first time I'd seen it. The narrator's voice was very familiar to me, and then when they showed him, I said, "Holy crap, is that Faramir?" All three of the boys looked at me as though I were totally insane and that's when I realized that I'm a way bigger nerd than any of them. I'm pretty sure they've never read those books or seen any of the movies. And yes, I own all the books and all the movies]

Imagine my happiness when I got to work this morning and discovered that I was missing my building ID badge. It turned out I'd left it on my desk Friday afternoon so it's not lost (because that would have been the second one in as many weeks), but all morning I've been repeatedly looking all around me to make sure I still know where everything of importance I carry with me is. As though at any moment all these objects are going to make a break for it.

Oh well, at least I remembered my cell phone today, I am fully dressed and have my contacts in, I have makeup on and am wearing matching shoes. For the time being, we'll put Monday in the win column.