things I will never do

Several years ago, I made this list with my college roommates titled, "Things I Will Never Do".  This list was comprised of hypothetical situations that were actually not hypothetical at all because they had happened to at least one of us, but they were just so wrong that we vowed never to do them to another person.  First, a little bit of background into what sparked this list to begin with (I don't think I've ever told this story before, but if I have just call this one a throw away day).

My super senior year of college (that would be year 5) I was friends with this one guy who was back in school for his second degree.  He was an ok guy, totally stuck in 1983, but nice enough.  He came to a party of mine, and spent the entire evening hitting on me.  Seriously, this guy was coming on pretty strong so I sort of went with it because as I said, we were kind of friends, he was kind of nice, I figured why not?  I'll see where this goes.  Anyway, cut to the following week when I met him at the bar for drinks with some friends.  He asked what I had planned for Valentine's Day (which was the following weekend) and I told him that I was just hanging out with my two single roommates (one of whom was out with us at the time) because none of us had dates and we were going to eat junk food and watch bad chick flicks.  He said, "so she (roommate) doesn't have a date?  Well, I'll take her out, could you set that up?"  THIS IS NOT WHAT WE DO.
The next day, discussing this with my roommates, we decided that we would make the list.  Here are some tidbits from it, and it's ever expanding.  It's not limited to just dating situations, but at the time that was most of what we had.  Anything anyone would like to share is more than welcome.  I have lost the original list (which is very sad, I think it was pretty long and funny), but I think I'll keep this new one and develop a set of punishments to go with it.  For example, lifelong mockery, drink purchases, etc.  Also, please keep in mind that not all of these things happened to me.  Only some of them.


Things I Will Never Do:

1 - I will never ask someone if we could get together and then ask to be hooked up with their roommate five days later.

2 - I will never ask someone if they want to have dinner then proceed to go to their house, heat up a can of vegetables that I brought and never offer them any.

3 - I will never tell my very thin significant other that they should switch to drinking Crystal Light because it has fewer calories and is better for dieting (seriously my college roommate weighed like 100 pounds and some guy said this to her).

4 - I will never throw a celebratory dinner party at my house where I cook and then ask everyone for $5 after the meal is over.

5 - I will never invite myself as someone's date to an out of town event and then sneak away in the middle of the night like a thief.

6 - I will never tell another person that I see a theme among thier spouses because they've had more than one and they had a common physical feature.

7 - I will never look at an old picture of someone and say to their face, "wow, you used to be a lot thinner, huh?"
 
8 - I will never tell my significant other who is writhing on the floor in pain from some bad food eaten in an unfamiliar country to 'suck it up, what do you want me to do about it?' 


Well, there's a taste.  Please share.